


Mistaken

by Holy_Leonards



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: 1960's, Anal Sex, Boot Camp, Capture, Concrete Cock, Crack, Criticism, Fingering, M/M, MACV, McCoy family Thanksgiving, McCoy family beans, Presidential Rendezvous, Prisoner of War, Special Forces, Special Operations, Time Travel, USSR, Vietnam, Vietnam War, Yelling, draft, finger fetish, heat - Freeform, star trek set
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-11 20:48:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4451825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holy_Leonards/pseuds/Holy_Leonards
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock is shot back in time and mistaken for Leonard Nimoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fart Fuel

The entire Enterprise bridge crew had gathered together in the mess hall to take part in the traditional McCoy Thanksgiving. You don't eat turkey, dammit, you eat McCoy family beans! A huge pot of the scalding hot fart fuel was sitting at the center of the table. McCoy had been getting after Kirk to celebrate this way for two years now and he finally gave in. Nobody knows what got the captain to change his mind. Was it the life changing three way? Anyways, they had all sat down and gathered hands. Now was the time for the traditional McCoy prayer that is said every time before you pig out on the secret recipe. Of course a real McCoy has to lead the prayer. 

“Dammit, Lord! Why did you make us McCoys wait so damn long before having our delicious beans again? You're gonna drive us damn well insane! Amen!”

They were off! Ladles were dipping into the pot and bringing back scoop after scoop of the little oval monsters. They couldn't wait to get them into their mouths to see what all of the fuss was about. 

“Dammit, wait! I want the captain to try the beans first!”

Kirk dipped his spoon into the bowl and lifted up a good portion of beans. He slowly moved the spoon to his mouth and paused before plunging it in.

“I just wanna say that I am very grateful that McCoy was able to put this on and give us a little break from all of the stress that this ship has faced. And I also wanna say that McCoy's meat stick is the best.”

Everyone gasped. Why the hell would Kirk say such vulgar things at the dinner table?

“What? You know those sticks of meat that he likes making in his free time?”

“You mean jerky, Jim.”

“Yes! That's what it is. I can never remember what that is called. Anyways, onto the beans! Choochoo!”

He put the spoon in his mouth and licked all of the beans off of it. He chewed them a little and swallowed. His head immediately fell onto the table with a loud BANG. Everyone stood up, but he lifted his head up.

“I'm joking, these are great!”

Nobody laughed. Instead, they all went to their bowls and saw for themselves if the beans truly were great. There were mixed feelings about the goodness of the meal.

“Eh, beans were inwented in Russia so I have had better.” Was Chekov's review.

“These are going to ruin my sleep with a camp out in the bathroom.” From Sulu

“These are tastier than anything I have ever eaten.” Said Uhura

“Logical.” Spock gave it.

“These are strong enough to grow back my missing finger!” Scotty exclaimed.

“Am I going to die?” Background Red Shirt said.

McCoy was not happy at all that these people were not saying it was the greatest thing ever. Because they damn are! The only people that he didn't hate right now were Kirk, Spock, and Uhura. The rest could die for all he damn cared.

“You people are sickening! It's like the damn Spanish Inquisition! Can't you just lie and say that these beans are good? Holy damn I'm out!”

McCoy stormed off and left the rest of them to think about what they had said. Background Red Shirt dropped dead with his face planted in the bowl of beans.

“Well, it seems we pissed him off.” Kirk said.

Spock stood up and put his bowl by the big pot of beans.

“My I take the rest to my quarters? I will take one for the team and 'dispose' of them.”

Everyone nodded in agreement and Spock hoisted the big pot up and went to his room.


	2. The Passage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock just can't help but chow down on those left over beans.

Spock set the pot of McCoy family beans on the floor by his little table. The pot was simply too big to put anywhere else. He dipped his hand in and brought some more beans to his mouth. He was addicted! He shoveled more and more in there. Soon, the gas was starting to build up in his interior. This was the downside of the McCoy family beans. Man, could they pack a wallop! He crawled onto his bed and lay there in agony. The gas simply would not move.

He removed all of his clothes and rolled around for a while and groaned. Nothing would make this gas budge. Then, he stood up and stretched a mighty stretch. At the peak of the stretch, he felt a gurgle. Then there was a huge pressure in his stomach that moved down towards his asshole. At this point he had lost all control and ripped the biggest fart this side of the galaxy! He passed out from all of that movement and landed with a thud on the bed.


	3. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock isn't in Federation Space anymore.

Spock awoke in a brightly lit room. The first thing he saw was a rack of Starfleet science uniforms.

Where am I?

He stood up and walked over to a desk with a mirror. There was a can on the table labeled “Spock's Ears”. Spock raised his eyebrow at this.

Why do they have a can of my ears?

Then he felt to make sure his ears were still there. Thank Surak they were still there. Suddenly there was a banging on the door and a yell.

“Hey Leonard you in there? Hello?”

Spock dove to the wall beside the door as the person walked in.

“Leonard it is time to go for lunch!”

Spock stepped out and was moving to nerve pinch the guy, but the guy turned around.

“There you are! What are you doing behind the damn door?”

Spock was shocked. Why did this guy act like he knew him?

“Filming is over for today why are you still in costume?”

Then it hit Spock. He remembered there being rumors of some television show that was made in Earth's past that had predicted the future exactly as it turned out and even got the names of the crewmembers of a particular starship correct. They even got their personalities down to a tee. But, nobody had ever seen it except for the secret society within Starfleet. Spock had just figured out that the show had followed his ship and his crew! Even followed him! This must be one of the actors. 

“Oh I am just having trouble getting the ears off is all and this uniform is actually quite comfortable.”

“I agree on the uniform. The costume designers made the science ones the best. I can help you with those ears if you want.”

“That is not necessary. The pain is immense and I have a method that I can do at home.”

“Suit yourself just please get into regular clothes so we don't look like complete fools on our date and wear a hat or something.”

“Yes a hat. Very logical.”

“You don't have to be in damn character either. God knows I would drive people mad if I was McCoy all the time.”

McCoy! Spock knew this fellow looked like someone he knew. He just had to remember that this wasn't really McCoy but an impostor.

“Where are we going doct- I mean uh...”

“DeForest, Leonard. God, sometimes you get weird with your acting.”

“Right. So, where are we going, deforestation?”

“DEFOREST! Don't get smart with me! We are going to this new place in town. I don't remember the name, but it is Italian. You like Italian, right?”

“No. Yes! No! Yes...no yes.”

“Which is it, dammit?”

“Yes I like Italian.”

“Good, now let's go to the damn car and get this show on the road.”

A car? What time period is this? Spock looked around for some clues. DeForest was dressed in a typical outfit of a man from the mid 1960's. Was this show filmed that far back in the dark ages?

“Where is this car that you talk about?”

“In the damn parking lot. I swear you are going crazy.”

“Illogical, Vulcans cannot go crazy.”

“What the hell? Never mind let's just go.”

They were walking down the hall when they passed one of the background actors.

“Good day to you Mr. Nimoy”

Spock said nothing and kept looking forward. DeForest turned to Spock.

“Why did you ignore the guy he is a huge fan of you?”

“I did not know he was talking to me.”

“He said your damn name!”

So people were mistaking him for some chump named Leonard Nimoy. Spock kind of liked the sound of it.

“I must have been daydreaming about our date.”

Smooth. DeForest blushed and they continued to the parking lot. When they stepped outside Spock was shocked. Look at all of the living history! Or present. Anyways, it was such a culture shock for him, but at least he had some kind of a guide. He followed DeForest to his car and watched to see how to get in the thing. He pulled the lever to open the door, but it did nothing. His face was starting to blush green from the embarrassment.

“Hold on a damn minute and let me unlock it!”

Spock heard the clunk and tried again. Success! He climbed in and they were on their way for a lunch date.


	4. Where's My Vulcan?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew of the Enterprise find that Spock is no longer with them ;-;

The Enterprise knew something was up when Spock wasn't on the bridge in time. It was only five minutes past the time when Spock should have been at his post when Kirk personally went to Spock's quarters to check up on him.

There was a very strong stench in the hallway that got stronger the closer to Spock's room he got. Under Spock's door was a visible gas leaking out. He opened the door and was swarmed with the noxious Vulcan gas. He he looked as best as he could, but could not find his alien anal acquaintance.  
.

“SPOOOOOOOOCK!!!!!!!!”

McCoy came running down to see what all the yelling was about.

“What in the damn hell is damn wrong with you, Jim?”

“Spock!”

“My god. McCoys have a history of hating Vulcans. Maybe my bean recipe caused him to explode.”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

Kirk was crying into McCoy's crotch. McCoy comforted him to the best of his abilities and carried him back to sickbay.


	5. Can't Hide From The Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock starts craving the beans while on his date.

Spock and DeForest got out of the car and went inside of the restaurant. As they were walking up the steps to the door, Spock grabbed DeForest's hand. DeForest quickly pulled it away and looked at Spock with those crazy eyes that McCoy had from that episode of Star Trek where he is, like, pumped with too much viagra or something and he goes back in time to the thirties. 

“Don't grab my hand in public! We could get killed for that kind of display!”

“Killed? For a little logical gay?”

“Yes! Are you going mad?”

“No it is Illo-”

“Let's just go in!”

They found their seats and got to selecting their meal. A 1960's nerd came running up to Spock with a piece of paper and a pen in hande.

“Leonard Nimoy! Can I get your autograph?”

DeForest was offended. Why didn't this punk want his autograph?

“Why don't you want my autograph, punk?”

“Because Deforest Kelley is not a cool name plus you play a lame character. I want the autograph of Spock!”

So his last name is Kelley. Spock made a note to search the memory banks when he got back to his time. If he ever got back.

“Beat it you damn punk!”

The nerd walked away crying.

“I was going to sign that you know.”

“Why? Both or none.”

The waitress came up and asked them what they wanted to eat. McCoy ordered a cheese pizza. How boring. Spock ordered one too.

“Why don't we just share, Leonard?”

“Because I am hungry.”

“You know what I am hungry for? Some of my Kelley family beans.”

That reminded Spock of McCoy's beans and he craved them.

“Do you have any available, Deforestation?”

“I gave you a batch last night.”

Spock needed those beans!

“Can you take me home, Deforestation? I am getting a little light headed and do not really want this.”

“Fine but you're paying next time!”

Spock really hoped that the real Leonard Nimoy wasn't there. They got in the car and left the pizzas to be wasted. 

“Why didn't you tell me about this before we came? I don't mind cancelling if you don't feel good. I am a fake doctor you know.”

“I didn't feel it until then.”

“It's the beans isn't it?”

“No.”

Yeah it was. Those beans are heaven. They reached Nimoy's apartment and McCoy gave Spock a low key peck on the cheek.

“See you my little” he leaned in close and whispered “honey bun.”

“See you later doctor.”

“Dammit!”

Spock got out and made his way to the door. He tried the knob and it was unlocked. Oh no, was there someone in there? He opened it slowly and listened. Nothing. He slammed the door shut and began looking in every container for the beans. The last place he checked was the fridge. He opened the door and his hand was almost in the pot when there was a loud banging on the door. 

“MR. NIMOY OPEN UP! THIS IS THE U.S. GOVERNMENT!”

Oh shit! They knocked the door down and tackled Spock. A man dressed in military fatigues got in Spock's face.

“Mr. Nimoy this is it! You have been dodging us for too long! Your draft is up and you're going to Vietnam!”


	6. Boot Camp

Spock was shipped right out to boot camp from Leonard Nimoy's apartment. Apparently they wanted him to fight really bad. They didn't even ask about the ears because they have seen some worse body mutations pass through the training camps. They shaved off his bowl cut (thank god) and put him in his olive drab training fatigues. He was sent to the yard and they went right for a long hike around the base.

“Ho Chi Minh is a son of a bitch!” Yelled the Drill Instructor.

The rest repeated the line except for Spock. After they had finished saying the line he added his two cents.

“Calling people names will not get this war won any faster.”

“HALT!”

Everyone stopped.

“Did you just talk back to me Ears?”

“I think that is what you would call it.”

“Drop and give me 20!”

“20 what? Please state your units so you can communicate logically.”

“50!”

“50 what?”

The DI punched Spock in the stomach and Spock went into one of his Vulcan rages and took the DI down. It took the whole platoon to pry Spock off of the guy and the big wigs at the camp came out to see what was going on. They took Spock away in hand cuffs and had a good long talk with him.

“What in the hell did you think you were doing there, Nimoy?”

“I was just defending myself from being hit.”

“Defending? Well, I have a special offer for you. You handled yourself like a champ out there. Would you want to skip this basic shit and go right for SF?”

“SF?”

“Special Forces. We could use a tough guy like you over in MACV.”

“That sounds...logical. Sign me up.”

They got the paperwork done and he was shipped out to the special forces training camp to continue his training. He passed all of his tests with flying colors whether it be physical or mental testing. Everything was just too easy for him. In no time he was on a flight right for Ton Son Nhut to begin his tour of duty in Southeast Asia.


	7. In Country

Everyone at the MACV headquarters in Saigon did nothing but complain about the heat. Except Spock. He loved it because it reminded him of his homeworld. He even sabotaged the air conditioners so that they couldn't cool it down any. The war was going very well with Spock in on the fun. He had happened to go back to 1967 and the war was going very well for the Americans. The body counts were getting higher and it looked like victory would be coming very soon.

For the first couple of months Spock was stuck in the rear pushing papers and polishing his seat with his ass. Literally. This guy has some weird interest I don't know. Anyways, he had spent enough time back in a sandbagged building that the brass decided it was time to see what this weird eared man could do out in the field. He was assigned a platoon of SF guys up by the DMZ. His camp was out in the boonies and he loved it. He was getting sick of being around all of those people in Saigon. Being around so many humans just made him miss being with his favorite human. 

Spock got along well with the men he was commanding. Yes, he may have been a little awkward and a little too friendly with some, and his logicallness was kind of annoying, but they all liked and respected him. Of course, all of the hip soldiers that watched Star Trek back in the world would come up to him and ask him for an autograph. He wrote Leonard Nimoy's name horribly on purpose to try to make it look like he was writing in cursive. 

Spock's first mission was his last. He could push papers with the best of them, but operating in the jungles of Vietnam and going against an enemy like the North Vietnamese is hard for anyone, let alone someone not even from the planet. The mission was to recon a little bit to the north of the DMZ, just over the border, and to report back the next day. 

Spock took them over the DMZ and within 20 minutes outside of friendly territory they made contact with two platoons of NVA regulars. Spock panicked at the sight of actual enemies and just kept spraying his rifle until finally every man in his platoon was wiped out and the troops came down on him.

One man hit him with the butt of his AK 47 and yelled “Di!”

Spock looked up.

“Please communicate in common speak!”

“DI!”

And he was struck over the head with the rifle and knocked out.


	8. Back to the USSR

They dragged Spock all the way up to Hanoi and locked him tight in the Hanoi Hilton. He stayed there a good six months while the North Vietnamese tried to get information out of him. Little did they know that Vulcans never give up information. They saw that his blood was green and thought that he was some sort of American super soldier. They contacted the Kremlin right away and they turned Spock over to the Spetsnaz. 

Spock was shipped to a gulag in the middle of nowhere in the USSR. They put him in a concrete hole with just his head sticking out. Everyday before lunch, and only before lunch, the soldiers would all take turns kicking his head. Spock would always say “I've had worse done to my head.” and he would wink. The homosexual implications only freaked the soldiers out and caused them to kick harder. He would often complain about how cold it was there even though it was in the middle of Russian summer. The leader of the gulag came down and said “We'll warm you up really nicely Comrade.” and he ordered that a fire be lit inside of Spock's prison. When the fire was going, Spock said “That's more like it.” Which just made them all even more angry. The fire weakened the concrete prison. Don't ask me how it just did, okay? He thrust his arms out in one mighty thrust and ran into the expansive Russian wilderness. He was out there for three days until he stumbled upon a man in U.S. Army tiger stripe fatigues sneaking around.

“To hell are you?” Spock asked.

The man jumped.

“Dammit hippie, you scared me shitless!”

“I apologize I did not mean to startle you.”

“You speak capitalist, eh hippie?”

“Indeed I do, I fought for the United States in their Vietnam conflict.”

“Wait a minute there, hippie, you're that Nimoy fellow! Yippee! We've been calling you a goner for a while now but didn't want to break the hearts of all those NASTY HIPPIES that watch that Start Turk show or whatever it is you did. Well, now, I have a helicopter coming to pick me up in a few hours why don't you just camp out here with me and I'll get you home safe and sound.”

“That would sound wonderful. Who are you, again?”

“Don't you know? I'm your damn president! God damn Richard Milhous Nixon to be exact, hippie!”

“I did not know you were president.”

“How long have you been captured?”

“Since 1967.”

“Well that explains it, its god damn 1968! And we're losing that little war of ours because of you!”

“Oh that's not good.”

“Lucky for you we need you on the homefront making Fart Sturk or whatever.”

“Yes, Star Trek.”

“That's it. Well, come inside my tent and have a rest.”

The two men crawled inside of the tent and awaited the arrival of their freedom bird home.


	9. Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...

Russian nights are the longest. Especially when you're camping out and trying not to be discovered and put back into a Gulag. Even more so when you're sharing a tent with another man. 

After about an hour of laying in that tent and trying to sleep with a freshly beaned up Nixon (What is with all of the beans?) who won't stop farting. The farting was getting Nixon's thoughts going about what other things that butthole of his could do.

“Say hippy, what is your persuasion?”

“My what?”

“You heard me!”

“I heard you but I do not understand”

“Just what I thought.”

“Excuse me?”

“You're a man chaser like me.”

Spock went green in an instant. Nobody had been able to sense it like that before. 

“Would you wanna pass the time the old fashioned way, hippy?”

It was like he was reading Spock's mind. The gas from this old man reminded him of the good old days when he was in the future with Dr. McCoy. They had a wonderful finger-gas fest.

“How would you want to go about it?”

“Well I love me some hippy finger. My deepest and darkest fetish.”

Spock was delighted. Exactly like the good old days.

“It just so happens, Mr. President, that I have a finger fetish as well.”

“Fantastic! Put 'er there!”

He dropped his trousers and rolled over for Spock. The full force of the stench blasted Spock in the face and he recoiled. 

“What's the matter, hippy!”

“Just blinded by the beauty of it.”

“Oh! I almost forgot.” 

Nixon rolled over and handed Spock a pin that said “Nixon Now” on it.

“You need to wear this or else I cannot get off.”

Spock put it on and Nixon turned over again. Spock dipped his fingers into a tub of butter that Nixon had used for his meals and slid one in. 

“BUUWUWUWUUWUWUWAAAAH”

Nixon was loud in bed. Spock put in two more and got right to work. In and out and in and out. The two of them harmonizing their pleasure sounds. 

“HHHUUUUWWWWAAAAHHHHGUAH.”

“BWWWWWUUUUUUEEEEE!”

“WATCHA HIPPY!”

And they both finished with Nixon filling his side of the tent with spoiled old man milk and Spock shooting a hole through his pants. Vulcan projectile semen can be deadly. Luckily, this shot had missed the president. They went to sleep in their hot and sticky tent eager to get onboard that helicopter home.


	10. Homeward Bound

A loud, rhythmic beating woke the two of them up.

“Get up hippy! That's our ride!”

They got up and ran to the helicopter. They were so excited to finally get out of there that they forgot their clothes. As the helicopter's landing rails hit the Russian soil their naked feet were already inside. They shut the side door and the bird lifted up into the sky. 

“It looks like we made it hippy.”

“Indeed we did.”

The helicopter took them to a ship off of the coast of the Russian mainland and they rode it back to the United States... and they also rode each other. Spock figured that he might as well enjoy his time there while he figured out how to get back to his time. They reached Los Angeles and they parted ways. Nixon had to go back to the White House for important president stuff. So, Spock kind of wandered around and decided to learn as much as he could of this time period while also pondering how to get back.

He didn't wander around for long until he got to thinking of the McCoy family beans again. Oh my god he needed those beans! He looked up DeForest Kelley's address in order to see if he could get a batch out of him. He took a taxi there and went up to the door.


	11. Will Work For Beans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock works for those time travel beans.

He knocked hard on the door. He could hear muffled grumbles from the other side as the twelves locks on the door clicked. The door swung open and there was DeForest Kelley in a pink onesie.

“Leonard! I thought you damn ran away from me!”

“I got drafted.”

“Well you do look like the hippie type. Well, come on in.”

Spock walked into the house and sat down at the dining room table. 

“DeForest, I have a favor to ask of you.”

“Spit it out.”

“Could I have some more of your beans?”

“Its always the damn beans isn't it? Everyone demands beans from me!”

“I would offer you something in return.”

DeForest was intrigued.

“What could you possibly offer?”

“Sex.”

DeForest nearly had a heart attack. He had spent all of these years trying to get into his pants and all it took was some Kelley family beans. Luckily, he had a batch brewing that was just about done. He ran into the kitchen and grabbed the biggest bowl he could find and filled it up for Spock. He brought the bowl back and sat it in front of him.

“You can eat it first if you want. It won't kick in the as for a day or so.”

Spock gobbled the beans down. He remembered that it was not long after he ate them that they worked their magic before. But, that was several years ago...or several years from now? Anyways, he ate them all and was ready for the frick frack paddywack. 

“DeForest, dear, let's do it right here on the table.”

“No complaints here.”

He was already nude. Spock got undressed and stuck his fingers into the empty bowl. He rubbed them in the bean juice residue and then spread it all over his already gaping asshole. 

“Come and get it.”

McCoy worked his old Bones over to Spock and slid his concrete cock inside of him. Now, Vulcan biology shows that beans process really fast. The beans had already been converted into special Vulcan time warp gases and they started to leak out around the edges of McCoy's dick. The room began to fill with the noxious gas and they were soon completely absorbed and flung through time.


End file.
